Darkness Within

Author’s Note: It’s hard to watch someone you love suffer, especially if you can’t do anything to help. This is from a parent’s viewpoint.

The dark sky loomed, relentlessly following every step, blocking every turn. I never thought I could feel so powerless. 

How could the world twist so out of control that it would target my child?

I’ve always trailed my own unconventional path, but I can’t imagine what it feels like to be trapped in your own shell. 

To wear an assumed societal mask in a false existence must wrench the spirit in a quagmire wrapped in chains. 

Even creating a safe and loving environment couldn’t stop the waves of darkness and confusion within that tormented each moment. 

Finally, a glimmer of light came from a new group of peers filled with acceptance and understanding. For the first time I saw my child burst out of a secret closet and embrace life. It was an emancipation of our souls. We could both breathe and fly free.

Then a tsunami drenched wall of stupidity and vitriol from the outside seeped in and threatened our ascension to the sun. And just like that, our wings were clipped and we fell into the darkness, deeper than before, forced into a chasm of hate. 

My heart bleeds but, at the same time, it burns with the fury of a thousand flames for those who dare to judge, leaving me helpless, paralyzed by the world’s soiciopathy. 

The venom which spews madness in every word fills me with doubt, losing faith in everyone around me. 

Difference should be celebrated not demonized. An exceptional gleam can’t shine if filtered in the dusky gloom of shallow predetermined niches. 

What happened to turn the other cheek? Do onto others? I’m left feeling those words spoken in praise are an empty idol of a golden rule only for those who righteously deem themselves holier than thou. 

If the crime is difference, shackle me. But the burden can’t transfer. Like others who came before and to be, my child must walk a fearful lonely road in the shadow of intolerance and contempt. My only hope is someday they can bathe in the warmth of humane compassion and not succumb to a hellish evil, swallowed in the abyss of perpetual gloom.

(c) Suzanne Rudd, 2023